The Essays of Daniel Thor
by KatDrama
Summary: Armada setting. Demolisher is bored to death when one day while surfing on the internet he stumbles unto an ad that might change his course of life, or not. requested by fans of previous fic
1. First Installment: Registration

Okay, you guys wanted it, so you got it ^_~ The Essays of Daniel Thor! ^____^  
  
If you've read my previous, still ongoing transformer fanfic "JetBlast" You would know what this is about, but in case you haven't read it, I shall let you in.  
  
This takes place in the Armada time setting.  
  
Demolisher, while stationed at the moon base felt like his life was incomplete, so decided to enrich himself with English college courses via the internet ^____^ wonderful thing the net, aint it?  
  
Anywhoo- this story is all about some of the stuff that Demolisher had to write.......  
  
Here I've posted the info about what happened in JetBlast that before this  
  
**  
  
"What are you doing?" Megatron couldn't believe the state of his troops. First victory dances, then expressive art courses, what would be next? Megatron slapped his forehead, for he already knew.  
  
__  
  
*flashback to a few days before, at Decepticon headquaters*  
  
Cyclonus smiled. "Megatron, why didn't you let us finish them off. Me and Demolisher were perfectly capable of handling that mission!"  
  
"Uh-hum." Demolisher cleared his throat. "Uh, Demolisher and I."  
  
Cyclonus whipped around. "What's with all this grammatically correct stuff? Since when have you cared about proper English?"  
  
"Since I've been taking online college course over the internet in that subject." Demolisher smiled.  
  
"What?" Megatron turned his head and looked at his minion with a sideway look. "Why in the universe did you do that?"  
  
"Well..." Demolisher shuffled his feet. "I figured that we'd be here for a long time, so thought I might as well do something useful and better my education. Truth be told, I've always wanted to write a war novel about the Cybertronian wars."  
  
"Ugh..." Megatron slapped his face. "Why me?"  
  
Demolisher scratched his head. "The only problem is that they think I'm a 'Daniel Thor' that lives at a secret military base, especially since all of my homework has been about battles and space."  
  
"I think you should stop wasting your time and concentrate on getting the mini cons!" Megatron slammed his fist into his throne's arm.  
  
"Uh, yes sir." Demolisher recoiled.  
  
Megatron sighed.  
  
*end flashback*  
  
__  
  
Megatron groaned. "Ah yes. We have the mini con, let's go!"  
  
"Before you get anymore crazy earth ideas, what will be next? Rap singing and break dancing?" Megatron shuddered at that thought as he warped back to base.  
  
**  
  
okay, that was the part from "JetBlast" now begins this story....  
  
**  
  
The Essays of Daniel Thor  
  
First installment: Registration  
  
Demolisher clicked aimlessly through the earthlings Internet. It had been a new hobby for him since he had been stationed at the moon base. There was nothing much to do and boredom often forced the bots to resort to native techniques to battle their free time.  
  
Demolisher sighed, seeing yet another flashing pop up ad. "I hate these things." He moved the thing that the humans called a mouse towards the small 'x' in the corner to close the ad when something caught his attention.  
  
"Do you feel like your life is incomplete? Can't get any good jobs? Do you feel like pond scum that comes from a fish's posterior? Then do we have the thing for you! Become one of the many successful students of this highly esteemed program, College for Dummies!"  
  
Demolisher sat, mesmerized by the ad. It seemed that it was calling him. Some more words popped up on the screen.  
  
"That's right, for one ridiculously high price we'll pretend to be educated and qualified teachers while secretly scamming you out of your money! All while earning your degree in your choice of field! Click now or miss out on your one chance!"  
  
Demolisher didn't waste a nano-second. He quickly clicked on the ad, the college's homepage popped up.  
  
"Hmm. 'Are you a dummy? Are you scammed easily? Are you currently working at a dead end job with a low monthly income? Register now and get yourself trapped in loads of debt!' Sounds good to me." Demolisher clicked the large icon that said "Register now!"  
  
"Hm. Okay..." A screen with a bunch of blanks popped up.  
  
Name:  
  
"That one's easy. 'Demolisher'." The gullible bot typed.  
  
Address:  
  
"The moon." He spelled carefully.  
  
Current Occupation:  
  
"Soldier."  
  
Bank account number:  
  
"Hm." Demolisher thought a moment. "What's a 'bank account number'? I guess I'll just make up a few random numbers." The bot hummed.  
  
"9425678910"  
  
Field of choice: (Please choose one)  
  
Scamming  
  
Ads  
  
Psychology  
  
"Hmm. That might be a good one, considering the state of my comrades, not to mention my commander....." Demolisher drummed his black fingers on his desk top before continuing to scroll down.  
  
Technology  
  
"I already know too much about that." The green robot rolled his optics. "I am technology! What else do you have?"  
  
Nursing  
  
Accounting  
  
"My mother-borg always said that I was good with numbers...." Demolisher shook the idea off.  
  
Teaching  
  
Law enforcement  
  
"I already do that! I want to do something new!"  
  
English  
  
Demolisher froze. "What is English?" He thought a moment. "Maybe this is destiny calling me! Yes, either I feel compelled to learn this foreign thing or my Energon recharge was bad!" Demolisher got up and did a hyper little dance around the room before settling back down into the chair and typed 'English' as his field of choice.  
  
He clicked the button on the bottom. "Submit."  
  
He sighed, settling back into his chair, his arms resting behind his head. "Now all I have to do is wait for a reply." He smiled. "This might be fun."  
  
**  
  
Dear Daniel Thor,  
  
We are pleased that you have chosen our company to help you down your career path. We notice that you have chosen 'English' as your field of choice. For a small fee we shall be transferring you to an actual college of that specialty. Thank you for choosing us for helping you spend some of your money. You may follow the link to the college.  
  
Thank you-  
  
Dudeura Sucka Administrator of College for Dummies  
  
**  
  
Demolisher scratched his head as he read the email. "Ohkay....I guess I'll follow the link."  
  
He clicked the link.  
  
Another college's page popped up. A little smiling cat's head cartoon danced across the screen.  
  
"Konnichiwa! Welcome to the esteemed university of English for Idiots! How may we help you further your education?"  
  
"Uh...." Demolisher stared unbelievably at the screen. A dialogue box popped up on the computer monitor. He took it that he was to respond.  
  
"I want to learn English."  
  
The cat tilted its head. "As a language or as grammar?"  
  
"I already know the language! I want to learn how to use it, so I'm guessing grammar."  
  
"Oh kay dookay!" The cat twirled around and disappeared as an actual person's picture appeared on the screen.  
  
"Welcome to administrations." The digitized picture smiled.  
  
"This is just too weird." Demolisher lost his train of thought for a moment. "Wait a second, I can see you, can you see me?!" Demolisher stood up, knocking his chair down.  
  
"What's going on in there?" Starscream's voice called through the door to Demolisher's quarters.  
  
"Uh, nothing. I just tripped, is all." Demolisher righted the chair and began closing the screen on his computer.  
  
"Whatever..." Starscream mumbled as he went on clunking down the hallway.  
  
"Whew." Demolisher wiped his metallic brow. "That was a close one. Megatron would freak if he knew I was meddling in earthly things."  
  
A knock on the door interrupted the bot's thoughts.  
  
"Who is it?" He called out.  
  
"Hey Demolisher, I want you to listen to this!" Cyclonus's voice whined.  
  
The green bot within the room groaned as he slapped his head. "What now, Cyclonus?"  
  
"I want you to listen to this rap song of mine..."  
  
Fear gripped Demolisher. "Uh, no. Go away, I'm busy!"  
  
"Sure, that's what they all say. What are you doing in there?" Cyclonus persisted.  
  
"Nothing! Go away!"  
  
"Fine!" The copter bot stomped his metal foot. "I'm sure somewhere out there in the universe appreciates my talent!"  
  
"Feh," Demolisher rolled his eyes as soon as his crazy comrade was out of hearing range. "On a planet where the inhabitants have no ears!" He laughed as he turned his computer off...until tomorrow.  
  
**  
  
^___^ so....what'd you think? ^___^ I know, this isn't the best chapter, this is just the introductory. The real fun is about to begin ^___^ plz review! I am open to any suggestions! ^____^  
  
and if you didn't catch it, that guys name, Dudeura Sucka is supposed to be pronounced like this: Dude-your-a Sucker 


	2. Second Installment: Journal

The Essays of Daniel Thor:  
  
Second Installment: Journal  
  
**  
  
Demolisher sighed as he flipped on his computer. He settled himself down into his comfy wheelie chair and swung his feet upon his desk. He revealed in the few moments of piece within the confines of his quarters while the computer whirred steadily, finally coming online.  
  
Demolisher went back to the web site that he had been at before the interruptions the previous day. The little cartoon cat head with anime happy eyes (ie: ^__^ type of smile) bounced around the screen.  
  
"Konnichiwa!" Its smile widened.  
  
"I don't have time for you, you little pest." Demolisher grumbled. "And why are you speaking Japanese if this is an English course!!"  
  
He chased the icon around with his mouse. The cat shed digital tears as it ran in circles trying to escape the pointer.  
  
"Gah!" It gave a cry of defeat as it was clicked upon. The picture of the human girl appeared on screen.  
  
"Welcome to administrations. How may I help you?" The uniformed girl asked of him.  
  
"First off, can you see me?" Demolisher typed into the keypad. It took a few moments for the girl to respond.  
  
"No sir. We like to respect people's privacy. However, in order to make you experience here as easy as possible we like to present you with a visual picture of our online helpers as a sense of security. And also to make sure the registration and study guides are as user friendly as possible."  
  
Demolisher released his breath that he did not know that he was holding. "Whew! That's a relief." Demolisher said out loud to himself.  
  
"According to our records, sent to us by your correspondent company, your name is Daniel Thor and you wish to pursue a career in English, is that correct?"  
  
Demolisher thought a moment before sending a reply. "I guess so."  
  
The redheaded girl in the dark blue uniform smiled brightly. "My name is Cindy. I'm here to help you in any way I can."  
  
"Then can you tell me what was the deal with that stupid cat thing?" Demolisher typed furiously.  
  
Cindy sweat dropped. "That's our 'greeting cat'. Personally I think it's a stupid idea, but our supervisor's daughter came up with idea, and the graphics, so we're sort of stuck with it."  
  
"Ah, I can sympathize." Demolisher comforted, knowing all to well the grip one's leader or supervisor has on one's job and future.  
  
"So, anyway, what can I do for you, Daniel?" Cindy crossed her legs in a more comfortable fashion as she adjusted her headset.  
  
"Well, get me started on my courses. I don't know what to take." Came the reply.  
  
"Well, let's see, you want to start off with something easy?" The Cindy's bushy pigtails bobbed as she searched through a file cabinet in the depths of her desk.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Okay." Cindy smiled, coming back up from desk. "I think I've found the perfect starting assignment. This will just be a little thing to help us gauge where you are and what you need to work on."  
  
"What do I do?" Demolisher questioned.  
  
"I'm sending the assignment right now via-email. If you have any questions feel free to come back to ask. When you are finished, follow the link to turn in your work. Good luck!" The girl smiled brightly as her screen faded out.  
  
"Uh. Okay..." Demolisher sat stunned in his quarters, unsure of what to do.  
  
"Ping!"  
  
"You've got mail!"  
  
His computer informed him. He quickly opened the file. It was a video image.  
  
"Demolisher! Get your aft down here immediately! Why weren't you responding to my hails? What have you been up to?" The videophone image of Megatron glared untrustingly in Demolisher's optics.  
  
Demolisher was so startled that he fell backwards in his chair.  
  
"Get up you lazy bum! There's work to be done! A mini con has been detected on Earth!"  
  
"Uh, yes sir. Right away sir!" Demolisher saluted smartly as he picked up the fallen chair.  
  
Demolisher shivered as he walked down the hallway to the warp gate. "How does he know my email?"  
  
**  
  
Dum-dum-dum! Like it? Hate it? It doesn't matter to me, as long as you review it! ^___^ hey, that rhymed. Anwyhoo- thanx you guys sooooo much for the reviews. I know, cyclonus and rap do not go together, that's why it's even more horrifying! 0__o just wait until next chapter though ^_____^ *giggles insanely* Starscream reveals a hidden hobby ^_____~ 


	3. Third Installment: First Assignment

Aye, aye, aye, guys. I'm so sorry that's its taken me this long to update. I've been super busy lately and have barely had any free time. But I have a few minutes now, so I'll try to make the best of it. Don't be mad if this chapter is a little on the short side ^ ^* anywhoo- here it goes!!!!!! ^_^  
  
The Essays of Daniel Thor:  
  
Third Installment: First Assignment  
  
"Whew, I am seriously getting tired of those Autobot scum." Demolisher plopped down into his chair after a long day of battling the said transformers. "I can't believe we lost another mini con!" He sighed as he flipped his modem on.  
  
The computer whirred as it started up. As soon as it was running Demolisher went to check his email. To his delight there was an email from the college's web site.  
  
**  
  
Dear Daniel Thor,  
  
Once again, thank you so much for choosing us to help you further your education. You have already contacted us to confirm your desire to pursue a career in English. Therefore, this e-mail comes with your first assignment attached. Take as much time as you need and send it back to us for grading when you are finished.  
  
Sincerely-  
  
Strictor Learnin Head of the esteemed online college, English for Idiots  
  
**  
  
"Hmm. Okay, I wonder what my new assignment will be." Demolisher mused as he clicked to open the attachment.  
  
**  
  
English for Idiots  
  
Level one Assignment  
  
Keep a daily journal for a week with lots of details. Tell a bit about yourself and your life.  
  
If you need help contact a study help employee via admissions on our website.  
  
Good luck.  
  
**  
  
Demolisher's optics blinked a little. "Good luck? What's that supposed to mean? Will I seriously need it?" He questioned himself.  
  
He sighed as he drummed his fingers on his computer desk. "Where to start? Where to start..." He thought about the events of that day. He shrugged his shoulders. "Here goes nothing." He began to type.  
  
**  
  
Day: 1  
  
Today was a rough day in battle. We were searching for the mini con that we had been ordered to find when from out of nowhere the Autobots popped up. Though, of course, it shouldn't have been much of a surprise. Wherever we are, they are. They always show up.  
  
Anyways, as I was saying, us Decepticons were searching for the mini con when the Autobots showed up. While we locked into battle Starscream went off on his own, desperate to claim the mini con as his. Some comrade he is! Leaving his fellow warriors in the midst of battle to go off and do his own thing! Sometimes I think Megatron should be stricter with him.  
  
Then again, I can't say that Starscream and me are actually comrades. We're not even friendly acquaintances! He's just always sort of grouchy and he thinks that the whole universe is out to get him. He's more paranoid than Sideways and Thrust combined! He keeps thinking that he will be the next Decepticon leader. Well, he better keep dreaming. He seems to forget the order of things around here. He may think he's second in command, but everybody knows I'm Megatron's right hand man. After all, who would want a rebellious bot on the verge of mutiny as your first officer? That's like automatic suicide.  
  
Anyways, enough about that annoying flyer, back to the battle. Cyclonus, as usual, was the first to be shot down. He's so pathetic. I, of course, gave my all the cause. I was shooting Autobots right and left. I even landed a direct hit on their leader, Optimus Prime. But, they were too much for us. That pesky Hot Shot cut off my shoulder guns with his almighty Star Saber. It's going to take weeks for me to repair. Then Optimus cornered Megatron and everything went down hill from there. And once again Megatron had to call retreat. (He seems to have been doing that a lot lately.) We may not have been winning a lot of battles lately, but I'm at least glad that Megatron knows when we're beat.  
  
**  
  
A knock on the door interrupted Demolisher's typing.  
  
"Who is it?" He quickly minimized the writing screen so no one would know what he had been typing.  
  
"It's me." Starscream sheepishly called out from the other side of the door.  
  
"What do you want?" Demolisher was hesitant to all the vengeful seeker entrance to his quarters.  
  
"I just want to talk to you."  
  
"?" Demolisher's optics widened. "O-k-a-y...." He hesitantly punched a few buttons and the door slid open. Starscream quickly hurried inside.  
  
"Now what do you want?" Demolisher repeated his question as he folded his arms across his chest plating.  
  
"I know you're good with words and all..." The nervous bot scratched the back of his head. "So I wanted your opinion on this." He thrusted several reading disks into the green Decepticon's hands.  
  
"What is it?" Demolisher picked up and studied one of the small disks between his large fingers.  
  
"It's a little something I've been working on. I want you to proofread it." The red bot nervously looked outside into the hall to see if anyone was coming.  
  
"But what is it?" Demolisher pressed.  
  
"Just read it." The bot pushed.  
  
"Okay." Demolisher popped one of the disks into his computer. A title screen and several word documents popped up.  
  
"A Thousand and One Ways to Reek Revenge?" Demolisher read the title and skeptically looked up at the other bot.  
  
"That's just one of them." Starscream pointed out. "They're a series of books I've jotted down in my spare time. I want you to proofread them."  
  
If Demolisher had eyebrows one would have risen way up. "I'm afraid to ask." He stared concernedly at the fellow Decepticon.  
  
"The others are titled A Thousand and One Witty Comebacks to Stupid Things Your Boss Does and A Thousand and One Ways to Deal With Rage."  
  
'Maybe I should have gone into psychiatry.' Demolisher's 'eyebrows' remained raised. He leaned forward in his chair and clasped his hands together on his knees. "As thrilled as I am that you're venting your rage through these books, I really think you need help." He deducted.  
  
"That's number 94 and 1001." Starscream pointed out.  
  
"What?" Demolisher cocked his head.  
  
"Number 94 of A Thousand and One Ways to Deal With Rage: Write your rage down in a series of words. And number 1001: If all else fails, seek consoling."  
  
'Hooohboy...' Demolisher's thoughts whistled as he slapped his head. 'Where to begin.'  
  
"So, will you read them through for me?" Starscream pleaded like a little earth child.  
  
Demolisher sighed. "All right, but Megatron better not catch wind of this."  
  
"Thank you!" The seeker jumped up and grabbed the bulky bot around his shoulders and squeezed him tight.  
  
"No...hugging...." Demolisher gasped for air.  
  
"Uh...right." Starscream coughed a little to maintain his dignity as he set the startled bot down and patted the dust off of his shoulders. "I'm going now..." Starscream pointed to the door and quickly skedaddled.  
  
Demolisher stared blankly out the door as the vapor dust from Starscream's hurried departure settled. "It seems...that this station close to Earth is beginning to affect everybody..." He stood in shock before plopping back down into his chair, his mouth agape.  
  
"O-O-O-H Demolisher!" A familiar yet hated face poked itself into the startled bot's room.  
  
Demolisher shifted his gaze to look at the copter bot Cyclonus who stood in his doorway. The nosey bot didn't even wait for the green one's consent to enter his room.  
  
"Guess what? I've learned to play the drums! Do you want to hear my drum solo that goes with my rap song?" He beamed.  
  
"0__o" (need I say more?)  
  
"AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Demolisher jumped up and ran out of the room.  
  
Cyclonus shrugged. "Hm, guess he must have finally snapped. It's about time. I did that a long time ago. Or, wait a minute!" He stopped. "Or have I always been this way?" He shrugged, smiling as he went off to find someone else to annoy.  
  
--  
  
^______^ sooo, was that relatively funny? I hope so. More of the journal shall be in the next chapter, but I thought I needed to cover Starscream's little secret this chapter. ^___^ plz review! And thanx to those who already have! ^____^ 


	4. Fourth Installment: Recruiting

Yo guys, sry its taken sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long for me to update, but school's finally out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So id thought id update. No idea where this is going, but I might as well go along with it. Oh, by the way. For those of u who were wondering: yes. Cyclonus's song shall be revealed, but more towards the end of the story (I still have to write it sweatdrop) anywhoo- until then, enjoy the chaotic insanity. (p.s. any suggestions will be welcomed with open arms!!!!)  
  
--  
  
The Essays of Daniel Thor:  
  
Fourth Installment:  
  
Recruiting  
  
"Hey Demolisher!" A singsong voice echoed throughout the base.  
  
"Go away, Cyclonus!"  
  
"C'mon! Just give it try!"  
  
"No."  
  
"Puleez?"  
  
"I said: no!"  
  
"You're no fun."  
  
"Go bug somebody else."  
  
"Fine. Hey Starscream!"  
  
"AGH! Get away!!!" The paranoid screamer could be heard screaming from across the other end of the base.  
  
Demolisher took this time to slip into his room. "Phew!" He wiped his brow and barred the door. "Finally, escape."  
  
"C'mon, it might be fun!"  
  
"Get away from me!"  
  
"Fine. Hey Thrust, ever play the electric guitar?"  
  
--

_Day 2:  
  
Today I narrowly escaped being recruited for a band by utilizing decoy techniques. Cyclonus has really gotten into this earth music thing. He wanted me to play an electric guitar. I told him that Starscream would be more helpful to his cause. Gullible bot. Sometimes I think metal was wasted when they made him. Who knows? The materials he's composed of could've been used to make the hull of a ship that could come and rescue us from this god-forsaken post!  
  
But alas, I think those on Cybertron are all but overly gleeful to have us gone. They've probably turned headquarters into 'Party Central'. Sure, I can imagine it now:  
  
"Hey, ever wonder what happened to our thick headed leader?"  
  
"Who? We HAD a leader?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure we did. Now what was his name again?"  
  
"I dunno. Didn't we banish him on some god-forsaken mission on some long forgotten planet?"  
  
"Heh Probably wasn't important."  
  
"Did we send any troops with him?"  
  
"Beats me. Who cares? More Energon?"  
  
"Fill 'er up!"  
  
Imagine their surprise when we come blasting back to our home world with a horde of minicons! Who'll be celebrating then, huh? I'll bet they'll come to Megatron on their knees, begging for forgiveness. Then again, we could turn up empty handed and become the laughing stock of the galaxy. It's a cruel society we live in._

_--  
_  
"Hmm...I wonder where everybody is..." Demolisher strolled through the base.  
  
"Eh heh huh hee hah hoo..."  
  
The green transformer's optics widened with fright as he whipped around. There was a heavy laughing/ breathing sound coming from nearby. Demolisher slowly backed away.  
  
"Ouch!"  
  
"Hey, this is our hiding spot! Find your own!" Several pairs of hands pushed him back out into the open.  
  
"What? Hiding from what?" Demolisher glanced around the room with fear.  
  
Suddenly Starscream jumped from the corner and shouted: "Hey, Cyclonus! Over here!" Before jumping back into the shadows again.  
  
"Eh heh hee!" The crazed chopper bot suddenly materialized from the darkness. "Yay! A volunteer!" He hugged the startled tank before dragging him off to his lair.  
  
"Phew!" Starscream released his breath he'd been holding.  
  
"Get off of me!" Megatron shoved him as the Decepticons began pouring from their hiding places.  
  
"I thought he'd never leave!" Thrust exclaimed.  
  
"Poor Demolisher, though." Wheeljack mused.  
  
"Remind me to give him a raise. Falling in the line of duty like that." Megatron shuttered.  
  
--  
  
"Where are you taking me?" Demolisher screeched as he tried to grasp unto any grip able surface.  
  
"Wha ha ha ha! Wouldn't you like to know? It's a secret!" Cyclonus smiled deviously. "Ta Da!" He threw aside some curtains in his quarter to reveal a drum set and several other miscellaneous instruments.  
  
"How did you get all this stuff?" Demolisher gaped in awe at the transformer music technology.  
  
"E-bay."  
  
"No, really. Where'd you get this stuff?"  
  
--

_Day 3:  
  
Cyclonus scared me out of my armor when he captured me today. He drug me to his chambers and revealed to me his master plan. Turns out there was a good use for his unusual lawn tractor collection after all. Lord knows how he got 'em, but he's got an assortment of riding lawn mowers. Somehow he composed them into musical instruments! Maybe there is a method to his madness after all...  
  
Nah! Cyclonus will always be Cyclonus, no matter what hair-brained scheme he dreams up.  
  
Anyways, I was quite unsure as he handed me a 'bass guitar'. I had no clue how to play it, but it can make some really funky metallic noise, sort of like the twanging of a loose wire. In the end he was really disappointed because his inventions didn't work. I told him to try someplace else and then sneakily snuck out of the room. Overall the experience wasn't that horrendously bad. And I even got an unexplainable raise! For some reason everyone cringes when I walk by and say they submit to my vastly superior bravery. I don't know WHAT in Cybertron they are talking about, but hey, if it'll get me a raise and get me off monitor duty for a week, I'm down for it!_

_--  
_  
"Demolisher?"  
  
"Come in, Starscream." The relieved red seeker stole into the tank's room.  
  
"Have you finished proofreading, you-know-what?" He shyly asked.  
  
"Almost." Demolisher picked up a hard copy of one of Starscream's books.  
  
"You haven't told Megatron, have you?"  
  
"You worry too much."  
  
"That was a brave thing you did yesterday."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Sacrificing yourself for the good of others."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Letting Cyclonus take you..."  
  
"O-o-o-h-h....that. It wasn't that bad. All he wanted me to do was test some of his prototype inventions."  
  
"Still..." Starscream shuttered.  
  
"Is there anything else you want, Starscream?" Demolisher asked.  
  
"Oh, and Megatron wants to see you."  
  
--

_Day 4:  
  
Oh I laugh! What fun it is to be in the know how! Here I am, reading Starscream's books of rage and plots against our leader while secretly our faithful leader is doing to same paranoid thing against him! Oh, the craziness! Hee! Hee! I fill all giddy like Cyclonus! This information is just too valuable a secret to keep! I must spread it! But how? Oh the wonders of the internet! Soon the whole world shall know...  
  
What am I talking about, you might ask? Well, I'll tell you. Today I was summoned before "Almighty Megatron". He was seeking my intelligent opinion because he was sure he couldn't trust any of his other minions with such a flavorful task. Get this! He asked me to proofread his books: 101 Things Your Minions Might Be Doing Behind Your Back; 101 Strategic Plans to Dominate Your Race; and 101 Ways To Enslave the Universe. And he asked me to keep a lookout against my comrades and see if they are coming up with any plans that they might be plotting against him. Now I know that everyone here IS paranoid. Everyone's sure that everyone else is plotting against them, and here I am in the middle, little ol' non-plotting me.  
  
Hee! Hee! But little do they know the true plot behind it all! I rule them! I am the mastermind! I...err...ahem. I must make sure that no one is within hearing range. Seriously, without me these bumbling dolts would be lost and long ago decapitated by the Autobots. Huh, those fools. I don't know how anyone can stand working for Prime! I know I'd never listen to orders from a buffoon like him. Then again, who am I to be speaking? Our leader is more or less of a crazed maniac than Optimus._

_--  
_  
Demolisher sighed. "Only three more days before I can turn my first assignment in. And so far no one has found out! Ooooh yeah! Doing good Demolisher!" The green bot stood up and proceeded to do a little jig around the room.  
  
"Hey Demolisher?"  
  
"What Cyclonus?" He was greatly disturbed at being disrupted.  
  
"Do you know a word that rhymes with 'psychiatric help'?"  
  
I don't want to know...Demolisher thought to himself. "Any particular reason?"  
  
"Nah. Just working on my song."  
  
"A word of advice, Cyclonus. Give it up!"  
  
"No! Never! The insanity must live on! MWA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!"  
  
--  
  
only the next chapter and reviews will tell what insaneness shall indeed occur in the next installment. You guys who are reading this should give much thanks to Fang who brought to my attention that I hadn't updated this for a while. Sry guys, I guess I just go caught up in soooo much stuff. But like I said before, I'm here now and school's out. I'm trying to make my chapters a little longer just cause lots of people complain about that, so I hope this chapter weren't tooo short. Anywhoo- there might be some gaps between when I'll be updating next, but don't worry. I haven't forgotten about this story, but I just have to sit down and write Cy's song! I have some ideas, but if u have any ideas for this story of Cyclonus's song just drop me a review and I'll see what I can do. (hmmm....that rhymes....)


	5. Fifth Installment: It's a Kodak Moment!

Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, or form own Transformers!!!!!!!! But I do claim the plot! Please no stealing!!

The Essays of Daniel Thor

Fifth Installment: It's a Kodak Moment!

"Oye." Demolisher sighed as he reviewed his journal. "It's been one chaotic week! I hope my next assignment doesn't turn out as weird as this one did." Demolisher wearily flipped on his computer and headed to the web site to check out his next assignment.

"Ping! Assignment delivered. Proceed to administrations to receive next assignment." The computer told him.

"Yipee." Demolisher yawned sarcastically. "I wonder what Cindy will have in store for me now."

"Welcome to Cheesey Burger, home of Heartburn on a Bun. May I take your order?" A gruff bass voice startled Demolisher nearly out of his armor. That was not the sweet and charming Cindy! In her place sat a slob of a man with a stained uniform, a pimpled face and greasy hair. The man on the monitor burped rudely and scratched his bulging stomach absent-mindedly. "Whoops! Forgot! I don't work there no more. It's hard to remember when you go from one minimum wage job to another about every week, ya know what I mean." The man yawned. "So, what can I do you for?"

Demolisher stared blankly at the screen, his left optic twitching slightly. With hesitation his mind finally told his fingers to react and type something. "I...uh...um...need the next lesson." His fingers numbly scribed his thoughts.

"Oh, what lesson are you on?"

"Uh...number two?"

"Oh...I don't do that kind of stuffs. Hold on while I call my manager." The man picked up a phone on the desk. "Yes, please get me Mr. Scamman. Tell him I'm having difficulties with serving a customer." The phone was slammed down upon the receiver. "He'll be here in a few minutes. Care for some online Robo Smash?"

"You kidding?" Demolisher was really having second thoughts about his new hobby.

"That is, unless you're chicken..." The man crooned.

"Bring it on!" Demolisher grabbed his joystick greedily. "I'm gonna whip you cross the galaxy!"

"Yeah? I'd like to see try!"

"Oh hoh...you think you're something, huh? Huh?!" Demolisher was locked in game phase. He pushed buttons rapidly, trying to blow up the competitor's robot that battled him on the computer.

"Frank! What the bleep you think you're bleepin' doing? I ain't paying you to bleeping sit there on your bleep and playing bleeping bleep games all bleeping day! Now do you want my bleeping help or not?" An angry voice, obviously the manager's, broke the game war.

"Uh, yes sir. I need to know how to send a customer lesson two."

Mr. Scamman sighed and rubbed his temples hard, trying to remember everything that they had taught him in therapy. "Did you look in the bleepin' file marked 'Lesson Two'?"

"Oh..."

"That's what I thought." Mr. Scamman quickly exited the vicinity.

"You're just lucky that he intervened or else I woulda beat you!" Frank whispered.

"Yeah right! In your dreams!" Demolisher retorted.

"Heh." Frank smirked. "Whatever. I'll be sending you your lesson now."

"Thanks much!" Demolisher returned. The green Autobot sighed as he rolled across the room in his wheelie chair and flopped down unto his recharge bed. He laid his head back on his arms. "Now, in the mean time..." He closed his optics with pleasure and began counting tank tracks as he drifted off to recharge.

"Demolisher!!" A voice whined, dragging the unwilling mech away from his much deserved sleep.

"What?!" Demolisher groaned as he rolled off of his bunk.

"I...um...need your help." The voice squirmed.

"With what?" Demolisher's voice began to take on an impatient tone as he pushed the button to open his door. He gasped then immediately stifled his giggling at the sight. Poor, poor Cyclonus. What a fool! Demolisher later learned that the copter butt had been welding parts together for some new band instruments when he accidentally pressed a wrong switch on the handheld welder and made the laser come out the back end. Before he could regain control of the laser welder he had added some new chrome to his armor and welded most of his joints together. How he had managed to hobble down the hallway, that's a mystery the mech cared not to venture into to.

"Are you sure you want my help? You could make a very useful lawn ornament. Who knows? Your trendsetting might even attract you a pretty little femme." Demolisher joked.

"Oh, hah! Hah! Just get me unstuck, would ya?!" Cyclonus whined through the right half of his mouth since the left part was welded shut.

"Okay, but just wait a minute, I'm sure I have a camera around here somewhere..." Demolisher disappeared into his room and rummaged around.

Cyclonus's optics strayed wearily as he waited for the only trustable, near medic the team had to come to his aid. Just then he heard sneaky footfalls from down the hallway. "Um...Demolisher, could you hurry up?" He began to tremor as images of whom it might be played through his mind.

"Just a minute! I'm sure it's here somewhere..." There were more rustlings.

The footsteps grew louder. "Demolisher!!!" Cyclonus grew more panicked.

"Hold your horses!!"

"I don't have any!!!!!"

"Well see? That's your problem."

"What's going on here?" Cyclonus nearly had a spark attack when Starscream's grading voice spoke up from behind him.

"Nothing. Nothing at all!!" The copter bot sure whished that he could fly away at that point and time.

"Hmph. It seems you're a little 'stuck' aren't you?" Starscream noted.

"So? What's it to you?!" Cyclonus's trigger finger twitched, even though it was nowhere near a gun.

"Nothing. But this would make a great photo op." Starscream reached inside a compartment in his armor and pulled out a small camera. "Say 'wheeze'!"

"It's 'CHEESE'!!!!!" Cyclonus strained to move.

"Whatever. You know, I actually sort of like you still. That way you're not flying around and getting in everybody's way." Starscream began snapping photos.

"RRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Cy's rage built.

"I've found it!" Demolisher returned triumphant from the rummaging spree. He held up his camera and began taking pictures.

"You guys are no fun." Cyclonus sighed in defeat.

"Really? That's too bad because we're having a blast!" Starscream smiled. He turned to his fellow photographer. "So what do you plan to do with him?"

Demolisher scratched his head. "Well, I suppose I should fix him. Otherwise Megatron might be mad."

"That's a shame. I actually like him better this way." Starscream looked sad.

Demolisher handed his camera to the seeker. "Just because we're repairing him doesn't mean we can't have a little fun. You take the pictures, I'll get the paint."

"Paint? What do you need paint for?" Cyclonus's optics followed the green mech.

"I believe in earth terms it's called a makeover. I saw this really neat earth style called a clown. It'd look good on you!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The scream echoed off the bases walls.

--

A/n: Well, sorry that it wasn't the longest chapter but I really, really, really have writers block, so sorry if this chapter sucked. I was in the mood for craziness so I decided to update. Hope you like. Plz review!

(oh, and if you didn't get it. Mr. Scamman is pronounced 'scam-man'. Get it?)


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